100 Greatest Human Beings Who Ever Lived: 89-80, Non-English Speaking Foreigners Who Amuse Me

The list continues...

89. Dikembe Mutombo - Perhaps the greatest shot-blocker in the history of the NBA, Mutombo has done tons of charity stuff benefiting Africa and was even paid tribute by President Bush in the State of the Union speech this year. Of course, if you have even a passing interest/knowledge about this blog/list, you know that this is not the reason he made the list. Two main reasons: 1) his famous finger wag, which has apparently been grandfathered in so that it doesn't count as taunting under the new league rules and 2) the story circulating the internets about his days at Georgetown. Apparently, he would walk into bars, being the Big Man on Campus and all, and would loudly announce/ask "WHO WANTS TO SEX MUTOMBO?"

88. Gert Frobe - He played the titular character in Goldfinger, arguably the best/most memorable Bond villain ever. Apparently the producers hired him sight unseen and when he arrived it was found that his English was utterly unfucking intelligible. They had to dub his lines over in post-production with somebody else. Also he got sucked out of an airplane window in one of the most ridiculous deaths in cinematic history. Oh I'm sorry did I just spoil the movie for you? Too bad.

87. Johnathan Ke Quan - "YOU CHEAT DOCTA JONES! YOU CHEAT!" Admittedly, it's a love-hate relationship with the kid who played Short Round. But c'mon man. He was in Temple of Doom AND he was Data in The Goonies.

86. Paul Verhoeven - Okay I know. I'm playing fast and loose with "non-english speaking foreigners" but Verhoeven belongs here. If you've ever seen him in interviews you know that he is a manic Dutchman, but he has also made such (camp?) classics as Total Recall, Robocop, and Starship Troopers. I hear Robocop is HUGE in Brazil. Would you like to know more?

85. Magnus Grimeland - I promised someone people I have interacted with or who are not explicitly famous somehow would not be on The List. Magnus Grimeland will be the lone exception to this rule. Although I don't know him per se, I have interacted with him on a couple of occasions at the library and we will graduate in the same class in Harvard Yard on June 7. Anyway, Magnus ran for Vice-President of the Undergraduate Council at Harvard but that's not nearly as cool as the fact that he was a member of the Norwegian special forces. Which is pretty damn cool. Anyway, some time last year, they had a screening of Jaws in a University swimming pool (i.e. the movie was on a big screen while the kids were in the pool). To ensure safety, Magnus spent the two hours at the bottom of the pool patrolling in SCUBA gear. That my friend, gets you on the list.

84. Gerard Depardieu - Quite possibly the worst actor ever, at least in English, he gets points for playing a very dorky character in Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet who gets sent to spy on Laertes. He's also been in such classics as Green Card and.... actually that's it. Also he is apparently the favorite actor and close personal friend of .... Fidel Castro. What the fuck???? Actually you know what? Fuck Gerard Depardieu. He's an asshole. In his place is another Frenchman....

84. Cyrano de Bergerac - Before you complain that he's fictional, I remind you that the play was based on a real-person who was pretty awesome. If you haven't read it,you definitely should. It's my favorite play not written by Shakespeare and everyone should read it. I will move on but first a quote from a former Hialeah High football coach who once remarked "Cyrano de Bergerac... yeah there was a guy who was really popular with the ladies. They loved to sit on his face."

83. Harold Sakata - It's Oddjob! Yes, he blew a fuse. And yes, that's two characters from Goldfinger. Which is an awesome movie. What's that? This is a copout? Fuck you! YOU put together a list of ten foreigners who amuse you....

82. Takeru Kobayashi - While some people might find this horrifying, I find it extremely amusing that we live in a world where people starve while some Japanese guy can put away 97 Krystals hamburgers in one contest and 53 and a half hot dogs in another. He is currently the reigning champion of hot dog eating at the Coney Island thing. I once saw him vomit on national television. Grotesque? Yes. Amusing? Even more so.

81. Pat Morita - Mr. Miyagi! People forget but he was nominated for an Oscar for being in The Karate Kid and.... what do you mean he born in California? You mean he's AMERICAN? Uhmm well that's embarassing....

80. Desi Arnaz - Yes this is borderline racial/ethnic favoritism, but Desi Arnaz was on the funniest sitcom ever and his "Lucy you have some 'splaining to do" gets quoted back at me almost every time that I tell someone outside of Florida that I'm Cuban. So because of Desi Arnaz, I can tell racist assholes apart from everyone else. For that he makes this list.

Okay so the list begins in earnest after this, with a man who has a dream. A dream of a 50 foot tall robot replica of himself wandering the Las Vegas-area desert shooting laser beams everywhere....