The first serious person on this list, he probably actually deserves to be alot higher than here, but this is supposed to be fun and arbitrary so here comes George Washington at #72.
I think the most interesting thing about George Washington is the incredible mound of bullshit mythology that surrounds him. He might (seriously) be the most important figure in American history but alot of what many Americans think they know about him is purely fabricated. Among some of the more obvious and not-so obvious myths:
- George Washington once threw a silver dollar across the Potomac River. The river is a mile wide at Mount Vernon. Nolan Fucking Ryan couldn't throw a silver dollar across the Potomac River.
- That stupid cherry tree story. A dude named Parson Weems just made it up. That's right, the "I cannot tell a lie" story is complete and unadulterated bullshit.
- He wore wooden false teeth. Not true, though he did have teeth made of lead and hippo bones. This is actually even cooler than wooden teeth if you ask me.
- He knelt in prayer during the dark, cold winter at Valley Forge. To me, this is the most egregious of these myths. Washington was extremely private about his religion, conspicuously silent on Christianity. He was almost certainly NOT a Christian and you can read more about it in this book, Moral Minority, by Brooke Allen.
Finally, I think any discussion about Washington would be incomplete without mention of his skills as a general. Let's face facts, folks-- George Washington was a bad motherfucker. He was so bad, that the Iroquois took to calling him Devourer of Villages after they bumped heads with him in the French and Indian War and then again in the Revolution.
Next on the list, the best writer in the history of baseball. Also a really nice dude.
3 comments:
That George... one awesome dude.
And I'm going to guess Mitch Albom for #71? No? Yes? Because he is a great writer. And he is just sickeningly nice.
Mitch Albom is a world class turd and a saccharine fraud to boot. No he will NOT be #71.
I think perhaps the most insightful baseball historian must be none other than David Wallace. He has had very interesting things to say about Baseball, like "What do you call that player there?" or "What is that man doing with that long wooden stick thing?" The sport wouldn't be the same without him.
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